Is it me, or do most people never say what they’re actually feeling / thinking?
I’m not sure the exact terminology for it, but there’s a way of conversing where people inject untold meaning into every word or sentence…
-Tries to think how to explain-
Let me give an example. My mother the other day messaged and said “You know you love me!”, and I responded with “I never said I didn’t”. To me this was a confusing statement on her part, why wouldn’t she know I loved her? I say it regularly, and have done so regardless of whether or not we’re on good terms.
What’s more confusing, is how my response was taken as me being “Cheeky”, like sarcastic or a “smart-ass” (pardon my language). However, none of those emotions registered at the time of my comment. I wasn’t trying to be clever, I was giving an honest and direct answer. “I never said I didn’t”… Because I didn’t lol. If I don’t tell you I no longer care for, or love you, why would you think otherwise?
This sort of problem has been common my whole life. One time my sister came to visit and her eyebrows looked like comma’s. So the first thing I said when we met was “Your eyebrows look like comma’s”. Apparently, she took this offensively, becoming self-conscious of how she looked afterwords.
I didn’t say they looked stupid, or she did a bad job with them. Ironically when I later considered her eyebrows in great detail I liked them quite a bit, I thought they were cool and added character. In the moment my brain never went past her eyebrows looked like comma’s, so where did her mind wander to?
How exhausting must it be, trying to search every conversation or comment given? Is this how normal people communicate? Constantly dissecting everything said to better understand what secrets lie beneath? Wouldn’t you begin to feel paranoid?
What’s wrong with taking people at face value? If someone says they love you and never vocalizes a change in said opinion, shouldn’t it remain until they tell you otherwise? Wouldn’t it make more sense to worry about an issue when it arises, as opposed to hunting down clues like a Basset Hound in every muddy footprint tracked across the floor?
Another example, sometimes I go long periods without contacting people (as mentioned in a previous post), or on occasion, my partner will become self-conscious about a subject we haven’t touched on in a while; worrying what I think. In the case of not contacting people, they tend to get the idea I care less about them, or have some underlining issue making me hesitate to make contact. Regarding my partner, if I don’t mention a subject, wouldn’t it naturally mean there’s nothing of concern worth discussing?
This unfortunate way of suspective-thinking is present in almost every interaction I’ve taken part in, and it’s really confusing / disheartening. Why must we dance around secret meanings and hidden desires? Why must people often see the worst or most offensive scenario from a response?
If a friend or stranger walked up to me with their hair in a thousand different directions, an intense look in their eyes, an outfit screaming of inconsistency, and they are mumbling quietly to themselves, I might say something like “You look crazy” lol.
Is that a bad thing? Does it mean I think they are crazy? Is being crazy a bad or negative thing? I’m a little crazy, most people probably are, and I know there are times I appear incredibly odd to other people. So why are there so many negative connotations attached to a comment as direct and simplistic as an observation? In this particular case, saying “you look crazy” has no greater meaning than glancing upwards and stating “The sky is blue”.
Communicating with people (in my experience) is like trying to manoeuvre a field of naval-mines in a broken submarine, where the handle has fallen off and someone put duct-tape over the radar system. Needless to say, there will be causalities.
My question to any reading is, does there have to be?