September 25, 2020

…Is The Best Policy?

As someone on the spectrum honesty comes more natural to me then dishonesty. Though, I’m only assuming from other Autistics I’ve spoken with this is how it works. I’ve also read / heard tales of Autistic people who can’t stop lying, weaving deceit like strands of yarn in a destructive blanket.

It’s also safe to say many neurotypicals equally have issues with dishonesty, fortunately for them, their brains include safety measures enabling them to instinctively choose what times to be honest or not. In my case, lies tend to involve planning or preparation, conscious awareness of how the conversation is progressing, and needing to pay close attention lest I forget.

I would like to take a second and stress however (and I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before in a previous post), but being honest doesn’t mean being rude or mean. If the honest version of yourself offends all those around you, it has little to do with the fact you speak the “truth”, and much to do with you being a generally unpleasant or mean individual.

It really bothers me when someone starts being harsh or aggressive towards others, then follows it up with “I’m just being honest”, as if it somehow justifies their opinions or behaviour. I am honest, but I don’t express that honesty by criticizing people for what they do, because truthfully I rarely think about it. What’s it my business to tell anyone how to live their lives, or what is considered a “proper” way of being?

Getting back on track lol. Interacting with others, either through deception or honesty is a double edged sword (another reason why I avoid most interactions altogether). If I’m truthful, even when the honesty is without context, judgment, or certainty, it’s almost taken as a direct attack. More confusing, people act as if my expression is pure fact, like I am commanding my truth with the same authority and prosecution of the Catholic Church; as opposed to it being the uncertain and flexible views of someone usually confused.

Switching to the lying alternative, I’m left feeling sick to my stomach. guilty, uneasy, and basically dirty in general. Almost like my soul has been slightly tainted by having succumb to such unpleasant actions. Ironically, the rare times I am forced to lie usually aren’t to spare someones feelings, but to avoid harassment or stress.

Some people I know can be so intense with their opinions, judgment, or ridicule, it’s actually better to avoid the drawn-out discussion (or being put in a place where I’m forced to defend myself), even if it means feeling sick to my stomach. Though, maybe that’s because confrontation and defending myself also make me feel sick, and often mess up my emotions and energy for the rest of the day.

I think, out of the whole honesty ideology, what confuses me greatly is how people swear it’s the most important thing to them. Yet it’s not quite true is it? Apparently, what’s important is their preferred truth, one which coincides with what they wish to hear or believe to be true. Unfortunately, similar to the person who belittles others then says “I’m just being honest”, it’s not actual truth, it’s a desire to feel better about themselves, or to be correct about a situation.

To wax philosophical (if I may), all honesty is subjective, so we can really only strive to be truthful to ourselves. It would be nice though, if said truth was actually appreciated by many, as opposed to frequently being put on trial against the truths of others.

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