September 25, 2020

Watch for the buildup!

When it comes to relationships I’m relatively clueless. perhaps it’s my failure to understand the subtle nuances, or how I take everything literal. Maybe I’m too lost in my fractured reality to fully understand the events around me.

According to statistics, having a functional relationship should be beyond my grasp. Even if we remove the Autism factor, apparently at least half of committed relationships are doomed to fail. So how does one rise above?

Cliche as it sounds, everything boils down to communication. Not simply talking with your partner about what you like, or things you wish to change, but all aspects of the relationship and your personality. It’s especially important to vocalize what’s bothering you about yourself, your partner, or life in general.

This doesn’t mean you complain about everything they do and expect change, that’s not communication or respect. Also, if there’s a LOT of problems you are having with your partner, maybe you’re not a great match to begin with? Relationships in my opinion, shouldn’t feel like work, and never require completely changing one another.

What I’m referring to is a healthy discussion about important subjects where each party compromises in some way, while letting things go in others; enabling each to live their own life together.

If I were to give an analogy to properly express my thoughts, it would be how people, oddly enough, seem to be like Kettles. Weird I know but please bare with me lol.

Anytime people feel a need to express themselves in a relationship, either positively or negatively, and don’t feel like they can, it builds up. Even something minuscule like ignoring a trait which really bothers you can spread and infect to other areas of the relationship. Eventually, as these small concerns fester inside they can begin to manifest as one overwhelming emotion, corrupting your views and making you feel trapped.

Soon, issues you never used to have start developing as well. Suddenly traits you once found endearing or promising become hindrances or annoyances; making your displeasure increase more. Like a kettle heating up you become ever-closer to a dramatic emotional explosion. What’s worse, is when you finally reach your boiling point, the fight which ensues is usually a silly one based off a problem previously considered inconsequential.

Unfortunately, during this time as all the little problems fester and corrupt, you no longer see many (if any) good aspects of your partner. Your displeasure with them has grown so dramatically in your silence, the only viable solution is to remove yourself from the relationship altogether. To break up.

It makes you wonder. How would things have turned out if you only spoke freely in the moment?

If instead of letting something potentially small but bothersome become a serious cause of concern, you confronted the situation in a lighthearted manner as the emotions developed?

Could dealing with tiny concerns now prevent the larger ones from carrying such heavy weight? Or maybe expressing yourself more often simply leads to less moments of emotional exhaustion and intensity; stopping you from exploding on those around you?

Regardless of what may or may not come from increased communication, wouldn’t you say it’s wort a try?

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